On thin ice,
And broken glass.
On a sinking ship,
Without a line.
I am a vice,
And I have no class.
I am a trip,
That's lost its' life.
Give me gravity.
Give me clarity.
Give me something to rely on.
Anger is a whore.
Blameshift is a slut.
At the end of the day, we end up being everything we experience. Everything we represent.
I just want to burn. I want to feel the heat peel my skin.
I want it all to come tumbling down. Fall on me and break me. Break me over and over again. Into fucking pieces.
But at the same time, I just want you to hug me.
give me time to think it through
Passing through the season,
where I cheated you
I will always have a cross to wear,
but the bolt reminds me I was there
So give me strength,
to face this test tonight
If only I could turn back time,
If only I had saved what I still had
If only I could turn back time,
I would stay for the night... for the night
Claim your right to science,
Claim your right to see the truth
Though my pangs of conscience,
Will drill a hole in you
I've seen it coming like a thief in the night,
I've seen it coming from the flesh of your light
So give me strength,
to face this test tonight
If only I could turn back time,
if only I had saved what I still had
if only I could turn back time,
I would stay.
The bolt reminds me I was there
the bolt reminds me I was there
-Aqua.
- Location:Square one.
- Music:Music of the spheres still ringing in my ears.
The world sees you as one person,
But I see you as the world, Star.
"Now let me tell you how these steps go.
Step 1, tell me what have I done
Step 2, you better believe
Step 3, you'll never be like me so
Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-no no"
- Isles and Glaciers
- Mood:
loved - Music:Johnny Craig ftw
Body polluted by vagrancy,
My limbs act upon desire.
Eyes filled with trepidation,
My mind remains enveloped.
Muscles controled by tenacity,
My legs move on with determination.
As far as my legs can take me,
As long as my lungs are in place.
As much of this that I can take,
And as long as my heart continues to beat.
We will not stop. We will not meander.
We will stay true to this. We will stay faithful.
Peaceful. Calm. Hopeful.
I believe in you. And I believe in myself.
Keep walking with me, and slowly we will break into a run. Away.
Safith
I promise that you're all I need.
I affirm that this is real.
I attest that you're the one.
I plight that I will never leave your side...
...and I swear under oath, that I will always love you.
Forever, Star.
- Music:You
The brightest Star in my night sky,
The only Star in my universe.
I wonder how it's like to drown.
Or choke on something.
How does it feel to fall and hit the ground,
Or have a dagger pierce you in between your torso and your chest.
Or maybe even through the rib cage and straight into your heart.
A bullet into the head; How does that feel like?
Pain.
People kill themselves everyday. Why do they chose to kill themselves the way they decide to kill themselves? I know.
They drown themselves because they themselves are already drowning in their own sorrow. Their entire life involved them in drowning. Drowning in their worries, their problems.
People choke themselves because they already choke on so much each day. Money, supplements, routined fucks. So they choke themselves with a noose, or on gas. Whatever they find that they can choke the fuck on.
They jump from a great height to hit the ground. Why? Because every day they fall. You fall for tricks, lies, promises that will never be fulfilled, the beauty of hope, hurt. And what does this lead them into? Falling into nothing but a huge pile of shit. Try to pick themselves up but they only trip again and fall back into another pile of shit.
And piercing themselves. They do that because they are always stabbed anyways. Stabbed by people they believe they could trust. Stabbed by the fact that even though they believed in something, it turned out to be a sack of bullshit. That's when the dagger comes in. Can you blame them?
And then there's the bullet through the head. The fastest way to die. Every day, the battle is between your mind and the world. The mind is in your head. The life they live is fast. And sometimes we all go too fast we miss certain things that shouldn't be missed. When things fall out of place, that's when we realise we missed that certain thing. And there's no way to go back. So we die the fastest way we can.
Some consume the suicide itself, because they are consumed by the predicaments they face. So they consume poison, or pills.
All this they do, not just because they give up. But because you gave up on them. So the next time you hear of someone consumed by suicide itself, don't you fucking dare call them cowards. They didn't fail.
You failed them.
Now you know. And I know it's quite scary, that I might know why these people do what they do. Does this mean I'm fucked? Or that I'm contemplating death?
No.
It could just mean, that I'm motherfucking bored.
See you.
Cheers
- Location:The Office.
- Mood:
Very. - Music:Phones ringing, people talking, airconditioning
Hey.
You can really be one sorry sack of shit, my friend. Can you not see the obvious sometimes? When it's written right out in bold and underlined so many times that it creates a tear right beneath the words. You can't see it?
Well obviously. You're blind, Safith. Way too blind sometimes.
You neglect what you overlook. And for what reason? Everything and everyone has their significance. Are you too good to notice that? That there are people who actually care, and would do just about anything to see you happy. Or did you ever take time to realise, that maybe the reason why you feel they might be quiet about this, is because they see that maybe this is what you want? And maybe they don't want to even risk taking that away from you?
Of course you haven't, Safith. That's why, you're one sorry sack of shit.
No hard feelings though, I like you. Think you can be really nice at times. But let me tell you this: We all don't live forever right? Who the hell dreams of that, or tries to find ways to keep him or herself alive forever? You create something that will live on forever. Do that. Start to, at least.
Know this. She loves you. She cares a great deal about you. So don't be a stupid sensitive jackass always expecting something different. She's the best thing that's happened to you, and probably the only best thing that will ever happen to you. She's waiting for you, go to her.
See you, Safith. Take care. Keep in touch. I'll visit again.
So much love, and I miss you,
Angel X
- Mood: content
Listen.
Close your eyes.
Really tight.
Open your eyes. Stare into anything that emits light.
Close your eyes again.
What do you feel? How do you feel?
More importantly, what do you see?
All the time, we tell ourselves that it hurts when we stare into something so bright. But do we ever tell ourselves to look beyond the light? Look beyond the obvious and you will find something that will help you disregard the pain and the mere thought of it. After some time, the thing that you see beyond that brightness will comfort you; Inside and outside. Think about it: Is there anything at all that emits light, that we do not find beautiful and intriguing?
When I close my eyes, I see you. When I look at you, I see brightness. Yes, see it. When I close my eyes again, I see your silhouette because I am blinded by the beauty that seeps from within you, like a bright light, and every time I close and open my eyes again all I see is you and you and you and you.
Sometimes I wish you could see what I see. I wish you can be blinded like I am. Because when I am blind, I see things so much clearer. I see it like how it should be seen. And you are the reason.
I feel safe.I feel harmonious. I feel you.
Goodnight Universe.
Goodnight, Star (:
I wanna break every clock
The hands of time will never move again.
And we will stay in this moment.
Stay in this moment for the rest of our lives.
You. Me. Untouchable.
- Location:Where the breeze is coming from, I'm right there.
- Mood: peaceful
- Music:That beautiful heartbeat
For the hours spent,
The feelings thrown,
The moments suspended,
The cities burnt,
The dust collected,
And the bones buried,
Every drop of tear saves nothing. No amount of emotion can save the broken from the complete.
So don't live off the silence that drives you into the temptation to build up thoughts that are only going to make you spend your hours, throw your feelings, suspend your moments, burn your cities, collect the dust and bury your bones. Yes, your own bones.
So why do we keep what holds us,
Why do you keep what holds you down?
Live. Breathe. Repeat the process.
You can find what you're looking for. It's already there, just keep looking. Fuck the oblivious.
Take care, be safe.
I know
we're all souls just trying to connect with
someone, but we're all
left searching on our own.
Softly, as your dress flows,
you say that you're alone.
But I know I can't leave you
lonely and on
your own.
Ghost of York.
- Location:Somewhere in fucken KL
- Mood:geeky
- Music:Every breath you take.
- Location: Beside the Sleeping Giant.
- Mood: chipper
- Music: Click Clack - The Keyboard Under the Screen
Goodbye to you.
Goodbye to all of you.
Goodbye to insanity.
Goodbye to pressure.
Goodbye to trepidation.
Goodbye world.
Cruel.
Cruel world. And all the other things you've done to us.
I know the only thing I can't escape is you, Universe. But that doesn't mean I won't try. If you won't give me the reason, I will find it myself. My-fucking-self.
In my own way. In my own time.
Goodbye body. This skin will have to do.
Love,
Escape.
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
Hello.
It is so difficult to give something, yet it is so easy to take.
Like life itself. It never is easy to give life, but it is so easy to take away.
And now, I'm in a fix of my own. You have something of mine. And now I need it back.
You have taken a piece of me, which I had so painstakingly considered before giving.
But I gave it to you.
And I allowed you to make use of it.
You have bathed in it. Played your games with it. Cloaked yourself with it.
But slowly it is dying in your possession. It is decaying, and soon it will disintegrate.
And if you do not plan to save it, I must, at least.
So, now I want it back, because it has already consumed its fair share of harm.
Give it back to me.
Give me back my heart.
"You are surrounded by horror and chaos because you birth horror and chaos."
Safith, not so Bafith.
- Mood:
tired
I always fall for this. I always end up in this place.
And I hate it.
I hate this feeling.
I hate my sensitivity.
I hate my emotions.
I hate believing.
I hate false hope.
I hate knowing that this path leads to nowhere.
I hate the fact that I'm so gullible.
I hate how I live my life in pretense.
I hate how I have to pretend I'm happy when there's nothing to be happy about.
I hate how you are so oblivious.
I hate the way love plays with your fucking mind.
I hate the way love plays with your fucking heart.
I hate the way love plays with our fucking hearts.
I hate the way love plays with my fucking heart.
I hate the way love uses us as players in its game.
I hate the way love plays this game.
I hate love.
Fuck.
Now I feel like a ghost in a world that is fading
All I've been taught to recall simply
Fails to persuade me
The Truth tends to sting
While it heals. And,
The only way back is screaming the words: Oh my God what have I become?
One of the nobility of hell has picked me out to be her toy.
Compared to you, I am happy indeed. But somehow it rings like false coin.
Do you remember the first lad or lass you loved?
When you felt your chest was too narrow to hold your heart?
When it seemed the world was made anew by your passion?
And do you remember the fear that comes with love?
The fear that it cannot last? The fear that you cannot be worthy of it?
Truly we were not. None of us. But did it not come anyway?
How we have poured our souls into another's lips and eyes.
How we have died and been born again in the ebb and flow of their breath.
All gone.
The flesh you loved is dust.
The words you whispered stir no echoes.
And it may be that the one you loved most dearly sits at supper with angels and has forgot your name.
They think they mortify us with whips and wheels.
But then, they have neither lived nor loved.
In truth,
They know nothing of pain at all.
So here I am again. Confined, but on a string. And I have come to realize, that you remind me of a shell.
I thought you had everything I needed in a soul. I thought you were full of everything the heart desired. Like a shell, you can hear the ocean inside. So loud, so clear, so deep, so wide. But in truth, the shell is empty.
And I'm hoping with all my heart that you aren't as empty as the shell.
Do not step into something, ready and anxious to leave.
Merry Christmas, and have a happy new year everyone.
P.S. To be a star, you must shine your own light, follow your own path, and don't worry about the darkness, for that is when the stars shine brightest.
- Mood:
weird - Music:Falling Rockets - Cicada
I feel like writing. Not just because I'm bored, but because it's 3 a.m. and I can't sleep. Lately I've been feeling, uh... I have no idea. I think, that I have lost the ability to feel anything. Which could be a good or a bad thing? This feeling's not the same as the sense of touch. It's the feeling that's derived from your heart. Through the veins that leads to the head. Yea, that 'feeling'. Fuck.
Know what's one of the most touching movies I've ever watched? That I have to admit I cried watching? I am Sam. Holy shit man. That is real love. If you don't know what I'm talking about then, go watch it. It's worth your time. *Addition of singlish* - KNNBCCB TOUCHING LEHHHH
Worth your time.
Worth.
Time..? What is... worth your time?
...So what goes on in your head,
That makes all the difference
Between you and me?
Please don't let this be
Another one of those chapters
In my sad and thick
Little book of life,
That has an abrupt end
After a miserable few pages.
If I'm supposed to be the Protagonist
And you, the lover who 'could have been'.
Tell me now,
When exactly you would write me off.
Because I'm beginning to loathe surprises.
Out of sight. Out of Mind.
Is that what I represent to you?
Leave me be then,
On a wing and a prayer.
-Safith
Yes, another sadish' poem of mine that makes no sense. Haha. How fucked up am I eh? (:
I love you my friends and my family!
Bien. Take care, and be safe.
As Tall As Lions - Song For Luna
Summer,
It's been three years since I last saw
that lonely smile
Bound to be a thousand more
'till I can find
a face I loved as much as yours
mi hermosa
Never
would have thought you'd catch my eye
across the room
Broken English, a goodbye
that came too soon
Who needs words when you reply
con su cuerpo?
I've been stuck
on your foreign eyes
They have struck for better boy
We put your lives on our shoulders
but these arms are too weak to hold us
Dreaming
'bout some drunken melody
you sung before
Verses beautiful and strange
I love that song
I am strong beneath the fold
of all that flies
Haven't found all that I'm looking for
Lost your ghost somewhere in Samana
I run my fingers across windows to trace
all the outlines that make up your face
Haven't found all that I'm looking for
Lost your ghost somewhere in Samana
Try and try there's no use to pretend,
All I want is to see you again
Sing into the moonlight
Who could ask for more?
Fin
P.S.Yea, I'd like to see you again. You probably won't know who you are, soooo. Haha!
- Music:As Tall As Lions - Song For Luna
I haven't posted in a very long time, but no matter. Just felt like visiting. A lot has happened since the last time I posted. Basically, it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. I don't really feel like blogging much though. But, I'd like to voice something out. I think, that our sense of touch is the most neglected sense we have. I mean, Isn't it amazing how you can feel things? I think it's amazing. So do not neglect your sense of touch. (:
Cheers,
P.S. Here's our latest song. Don't ask me why my lyrics are all so sad and emotional okay. Haha, it's just in my nature I guess. I truly am a happy person, I just don't really like to write happy songs. OH but this one has a positive end to it (: Enjoy. If you actually do read the lyrics, tell me what you think about it, and if you don't understand it I'll be more than delighted to explain it to you.
Love,
Safith.
The Lost Boy
I’m snared in between the fear of remiss
It leaves me weak and nugatory!
“How could you be forsaken as such?”
Is your grace enough to save me?
“He has a beating heart, coated in dismay.”
There’s no way to escape this
Unless you believe,
That you’re worthy of love
And compassion from within.
So they treat you like a vagabond.
Who needs them here?
Just open up your eyes!
No person should feel so alone.
You’re significant in your own way.
And I’ll praise you to the skies,
While we let the offenders atone.
For this you should not have to stay.
But I hope that you’ll always be brave.
And know that today you’ll be loved,
Whole-hearted. To me, you’re perfect.
I will see you as you truly are.
Won’t compare you to no other.
In my eyes, you’re perfect.
In your smile, you’re perfect.
Alone tonight he fears the cold.
A little breeze could break his bones.
He crumbles at the sight of neglect.
Like a diamond in the sand,
He wants to represent what’s valued
At a price too much to pay.
Now is it wrong for me to realize
That the Little Boy, he’s lost?
He’s lost in me.
As I slowly comprehend and embrace the factuality,
That I represent this soul, oh little child,
How I long for you to be free.
- From my heavy heart and troubled conscience.
So tonight I will fight this.
Tonight, I will prove
I deserve your love.
Can’t you see him standing in me?
Like Greyhounds in the slips,
Ready and anxious to leave.
The light enfolds, the darkness blinds.
But there’s nothing to curse,
Because in brightness I’ll find you.
Here comes the winter of our discontent,
As I slowly breathe your consent
To watch me live, and exist. I exist!
Everything is illuminated.
Saf, for Trella.
Saf
SafBaf
Trella
SafBaf
Trella
- Mood: calm
- Music:As Tall As Lions - Into the Flood
Dear all,
I guess i left on a very bad note yes? I'm feeling better than I did when I last posted. And hopefully everything goes uphill from here, because as much as I am prepared for a fall downhill, I definitely don't want to go through it. Moving on...
I just finished reading Brisingr, which is the third book from the Inheritance Cycle that began with Eragon. I swear, I never get goosebumps from reading anything but this book. This 750 page long book. It gave me tons of friggin' goosebumps. It was such an amazing read. Probably because it's about dragons and I love dragons and everything about them. I feel they're misunderstood, and always related to evil. Christopher Paolini, the author, does an excellent job in keeping his readers engaged, and he truly brings out the gentleness and beauty of dragons. You know, it's because of this book that I am left feeling empty. Nah, not a very bad thing. It's just, the book tells of the relationship and tidings of a Dragon and it's Rider. They both have this special bond between them. Arghh, I want that. Be it with a human or an animal. I want a cat damn badly because Sapphira the Dragon really reminds me of a cat. Beautiful and independant. Back to my point. This relationship, is oh so very special. It makes me oh so very jealous because I can't have that kind of relationship with anyone. There's so much love in it, so much care and the closeness. They know each others every thought! How amazing is that? No wait, I can't just say all this and expect all of you to understand. Here. I will give you a short paragraph that clearly emphasises what I'm trying to bring across. But before I go on, you have to know the situation. Eragon has to go away to run some importan errands elsewhere. But there are complications; His Dragon cannot follow him. So because of this, they have to be seperated from each other. They hated the thought of that so much but they knew they had no other choice. So Eragon left Sapphira behind and went on his way. So after some time, Sapphira is allowed to fly to where Eragon was. She was so excited, she flew all the way without sleeping or eating. That determined she was to see her loved one again. And when they met, this is what happened. Remember, they communicate through their minds...
"They enveloped each other within the folds of their thoughts, holding each other with an intimacy no physical embrace could replicate, allowing their identities to merge once again. To know that you were with the one who cared for you and who understood every fiber of your being, and who would not abandon you in even the most desperate of circumstances, that was the most precious relationship a person could have."
Holy shit right? Arghh I want that. I want that closeness. I want to be loved like how Sapphira loves Eragon and how Eragon loves Sapphira. Kitty kitty,meowmeow, where are you?
I don't want to harp too much on this book, as much as I love it. However, I DO recommend this book to anyone who feels empty inside sometimes, and you need a couple of interesting characters to keep you company. This book is for you. Heck, the ENTIRE Inheritance Cycle is for you. Paolini injects a lot of politics in this, and it is very interesting of him to do so. Seriously, the politics in Alagaesia is complicated yet easily digested. I don't know how to explain it, just read!
Since I'm used to the reading again, I'm gonna' read more and more. And I shan't stop. I swear, reading is the one thing that truly keeps me sane. Thank you books, I would marry you if I could.
Aye, I have nothing more to say. More to come soon I hope. Eid Mubarak everyone, and a selamat Hari Raya (:
With Love,
Safith Bafith
P.S. I need a cool sword and my own dragon (:
I could embrace the loneliness.
It seems to be the only thing that's truly always by my side.
Why should I not look to it?
Alone.
And if you ever found yourself lonely
Look into your heart, and you will find yourself.
I don't need anybody else.
If nobody can love me like how I need to be loved,
I shall love myself
Alone.
For it will stay this way until you come along.
Hurry now.
Alone.
Saf.
- Music:Jason Mraz - Make It Mine
Hello. You know, I've been thinking( Yes I do think sometimes). Fighting. Why is it so easy for people to fight? And over really silly things. Is it cool to break someone's face? I really don't know because I haven't tried breaking anybody's face for that matter. Aye, anyways. Because of this, many people resort to picking up martial arts. See, that isn't a very practical reason to learn an art form. Just so you can learn new ways to break someones face. Not cool. I wanted to learn a martial art. But I find it hard. Believe it or not, I don't think I like violence that much. I mean hell, I love movies with violence in them( Never Back Down or Fight Club, anyone? No? Nevermind), but i just don't think I can resort to violence. Like the Autobots. They're good guys. I don't think they would kick ass if they didn't need to right? It's cos' of them Decepticons. So yea, I believe I am an Autobot. I will protect the ones I love, and myself. I cannot destroy for the sake of destroying. Protect and Destroy( Remember this!)See that's why I can't seem to bring myself to learning some martial art. Guess that's the reason. I'll just stick to my Yoga. Peace, ohm.
Okay so like Trella just posted up our newly recorded track, The Gavel and the Block. Go take it listen if you haven't! It's on our Myspace: www.myspace.com/trellaband. The lyrics are there too and it's even in this blog of mine I remember posting it up some time ago. We're having another gig on the 13th of September with ATC and Postbox. I CAN'T WAIT FOR THAT! I miss themmmm. Come down for that kay details are on our myspace (:
If you're reading this, I miss you. Terribly.
But you know, love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings. At least thats what Anais Nin told me.
Till next time my fellow friends, take care and be safe.
With so much love,
Safith the Bafith
"My bounty is as boundless as the sea,
My love as deep; the more I give to thee,
The more I have, for both are infinite."
"Romeo and Juliet"P.S. This to me, is the real fight. Not physically. It's a fucking sad song but it's nice though. Have a listen.
The Appleseed Cast - Fight Song
and there on the stairs,
standing there,
arm outstretched,
point and glare,
watching the love,
fall to our feet,
into the floor to disappear.
We’re finding fault,
when you kissed her
or you slept with him,
or you didn’t care…
now it all breaks,
disintegrates.
Well this is the last thing I’ll take
cause'I can’t face you now.
This is the end, there’s nothing to keep.
This is the end of you and me.
As the ice comes down it’s the end,
as the lies come out it’s the end,
as the tears flow out it’s the end.
it's the end of you and me,
so we’ll look out on the lake
and we see the white light.
I said it was gold.
It should have been gold.
Then maybe all the crazy things you said
would have a meaning,
but this thing we have made it can't stop,
it won't stop… cause' I can’t face you now.
Take your troubled sorrow, this is the end of you and me.
- Music:The Appleseed Cast - Fight Song
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